To a Lost Friend......

I am terribly troubled. Not finding a way. 

Everything is falling apart .I look around to see that you are the first and last person who can help me.

For all the friendship we shared, barring the fights and ego tussles, if you can ever forgive me please, do. I never realized that you were also hurt until I started thinking it from your point of view. Its a burden that I am living with. It is like a never ending movie roll that runs in my mind.

It was definitely not our first fight, earlier we had also fought, got separated, did not talk for months, but we had always patched up. But this time I don't think it will happen, as the silence between us has been there  for too long. The thought that we wont talk ever in our lives gives me teary eyes and sleepless nights. Like last time when you had initiated to patch up as there was a feeling within you that was keeping you at unrest. Here I am, living with that feeling for so many months. Even if I will call you now, you will say that you have nothing to say and you have moved on. Okay I get it, but  please help me to move on too. If not for friendship, then for humanity's sake, take me out of this abyss.

All this while anger was supreme, and "how could you do this to me?" dominated my thoughts. I was living in a state of anger and vendetta. Now that has only been replaced by helplessness as I have lost all direction in my life, as I always feel that one conversation is pending and I really thought it was your fault and one day you will come to me and say that sorry which I deserve. I will then tell you what I have been through... that life without you has been nothing but boring and worthless but now I cant wait anymore. I am saying sorry for everything as for friendship is no profit or loss account, not your gain or my loss. I have lost myself completely. I never talk about you to anyone else as I have always thought that the best person to talk about you is only you..

I miss u profoundly..

I miss us much more.....