It was a deep agonizing pain that
I was going through, a pain that was clamping me for too long, a pain that had
become my companion. But, when you entered my life I saw a new beginning, a beginning
that my mind, my heart, my soul was yearning for. At last I thought my savior has
come and will rescue me bring me at peace once again.
My last relation, it wasn’t a
relation also, my last friend left me with soggy feeling of rejection and
distaste, I had lost a great deal of confidence in myself. So with you, I wasn’t
too sure of the way of conducting myself, I just followed your lead, did
everything to get your approval, not mindful of the words and action, not
thinking of the way I was behaving, I just wanted to get accepted by you, I was
longing for company. Only said that what u wanted to hear, only did that what
you wanted to do, in the hope that I might get accepted this time around. My
occupied mind was the reward I looking for, I just wanted to get rid of the
past memories.
It was also the time when I learnt
that you were travelling the same path, you yourself were on the road of recovery
of a broken relation, a relation that was much serious and had promises of
forever. I wanted to share your pain and make you believe that life indeed is
beautiful and these are nothing but some wrong doing of God that you just need
to accept. I wanted to be your shadow, wanted to turn your life around.
I guess I failed miserably in my endeavors
as the closer I got to you, the farther you went, I never asked the reason nor
you gave any. History repeated itself yet again I am again in pain, again the
feeling of being rejected. Too frightened to ask for answers from you as the
answers might assert my fear – that I have been rejected yet again….
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